Tuesday 20 April 2021

Kamping in England

As the United Kingdom lurches further towards totalitarianism, with a possible tit for tat with Brussels suddenly turning ballistic, Britons living in Europe are beginning to worry for their future.

Thanks to media hysteria and the voters insisting 'that something must be done', the European Union, having never shown much interest in those foreigners who live here more or less quietly, will now be turning its gaze on those people who have abruptly lost their European status through their own apparent collective stupidity.

There are about 1,200,000 Britons living in Europe - that's equivalent to the population of Brussels.

Our leading spokesperson Leapy Lee no doubt doing his best to calm the waters. I wonder, does The Express have his phone number?

Thus, as the British toy with deportation for some or perhaps many of their European residents, can the EU-27 be far behind?

Maybe not.

In the event of mass deportation, will the British send one of its remaining gun-boats down to Garrucha to pick us all up?

I can imagine the captain shouting through his megaphone in a rough Bradford accent, 'Form an orderly queue with passports at the ready. There will be just one small bag allowed, imagine you're on a Ryanair flight ladies and gentlemen. I'm sorry, but there's no room for pets on my ship and strictly no foreign-born companions'.

As we arrive back in the UK, unwanted and unloved, a lucky few of us will have a place to go to. Some others will rekindle an undying love of a close relative with a spare guest-room, but most of us will be homeless. Property prices being as they are, and with our houses in Europe either embargoed or unsellable, we will be obliged to throw ourselves on the Mercy of the State.

How will the Home Secretary receive us? Perhaps we will be placed in the confiscated homes of those Europeans who will have fallen foul of her, but more likely, she will order the construction of a huge camp - maybe located on Salisbury Plain - for all the penniless ex-pats jettisoned from Europe following the forthcoming Westminster putsch on Europeans.

The Poles may be invited to build it before they are sent home, apparently they are quite good with their hands, and no doubt Commonwealth citizens will eventually be chosen to run the place.

We ex-pats won't be very amenable to this treatment, but there will be nowhere else for us to go.

Then, I think, as the Brit authorities notice that many of us are conditioned to drive on the right, they may decide, for our own safety, to keep us within the camp.

Permanently.

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